Pieces in a Jigsaw Puzzle

Memories get shuffled around like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. This doesn’t fit there, or apparently anywhere. When I  try arranging everything by color, I realize all the pieces are different shades of blue. So I stack long columns of similar shapes on the table. I search for variations. I try to imagine the lines that connect one area to another. I know eventually all the pieces will fall together. Unless I lose a piece. Heaven forbid!

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A tragic childhood can still haunt the space I live in, worse than any other assault. Tears that never dry. Fear that lives in a closet. Traumatic events, painful memories, and frightening flashbacks. Catastrophizing happening in the back of my mind before I’m even aware. Trust, near impossible to access. And guilt weighing down my spirit and willingness to press on.

Sudden changes in the expected routine strangle the heart with disappointment. The urge to evade my circumstances and run away, complicated by an inability to discern the safest escape route.

Fight or flight can morph into freeze or fawn. My ability to determine threats has been hijacked by hardened neural pathways and the paralysis of executive function. The mistrust of my surroundings and maladaptation of my survival instincts are cruel diversions. A devious sidetracking from my intention to seek and stay focused on the path to healing and recovery.

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Neither the victim nor the perpetrator am I. Even so, revisiting the scene of the crime can still yield new revelations. Clues to cruel and tragic details. Telltale signs of motives and motivations. Inklings and suggestions of “how we ended up here.” Perhaps the best conclusion to such an investigation is the encouragement of someone who has walked this path to those still finding their way. 

Be encouraged my beloved!

Media: Pieces in a Jigsaw Puzzle, Created by The Author using Midjourney AI Art Generator